I’m a side sleeper—always have been, always will be. That is relevant to this important message because sleeping on your side is not exactly conducive to the prevention of chest wrinkles. And let’s be serious, when you’re in your middle 50s, wrinkle prevention, or wrinkle mitigation, whatever you’d like to call it, is top of mind.
Back to chest wrinkles and how much they suck. Type “nasty chest wrinkles” into the Google machine and you’ll get some 3.5 million results, most of which are people desperate for a solution. And why not? You can hide all kinds of things you don’t want people to see—bingo wings, muffin tops, eye bags, but there’s no hiding that neck. Sadly.
Nora Ephron Understood Wrinkles
Nora Ephron, one of my favorite writers of all time, understood wrinkles. In fact, she devoted a book to the topic in I Feel Bad About My Neck and Other Thoughts on Being a Woman. If you have not yet read this gem, (which will make you love Nora at least as much as I do), fix that. And if you’re already a Nora fan but have not yet watched the HBO documentary on her life, Everything is Copy, written and directed by Ephron’s son, Jacob Bernstein, immediately after you finish reading this post go do that. It might be the best hour and a half you’ll spend this week. In fact, I won’t be at all offended if you just go do that right now. Here’s a taste of what’s in store for you:
Back to Chest Wrinkles—Why Do We Get Them?
Chest wrinkles from sleeping are nothing new, and they’re not something that are only the scourge of the middle-aged. Honestly, having always been a side-sleeper, I remember getting them from the earliest of ages. You know—you wake up, your chest is kind of wrinkly in the morning, you have some coffee and the wrinkles are gone by the time the coffee is cold. That’s when you’re 30 and possessed of young, vibrant, collagen-filled, elastic-y skin and all that crap. Then, before you know it, and certainly well before you’re ready for it, all that beautiful collagen that you’ve taken for granted your entire life disappears and well, you’re just screwed. Which is a technical term, by the way.
Don’t Listen to Dumb Advice
I remember once reading some advice on aging well from some celebrity (not really the best source, I realize that) who said that she made sure to always sleep on her back because it made for fewer wrinkles. That’s like someone telling a food lover like me that the way to stay super skinny is to eat just one carrot every day. I mean, seriously. That’s just not possible. Nor is sleeping on my back. If you’re not a back sleeper, trying to sleep on your back is pretty similar to torture. I think I tried it once, for all of about 27 seconds, I gave up and went back to my side—a person can only do what a person can do, wrinkles or no wrinkles. Your first step in this journey, this fight against chest wrinkles is to tune out all dumb advice. From celebrities and elsewhere.
So What’s the Miracle Cure for Chest Wrinkles?
Since it’s not an option to not sleep on my side, and since ugly chest wrinkles are untenable, it’s a good thing I also discovered a magic remedy for those chest wrinkles. NO LIE! I have absolutely, positively found and use a solution. As a result, my chestal area … fancier people than me call it “the decollette” is in awesome shape—and wrinkle free. You totally want to know what it is, don’t you? Okay fine.
My secret weapon, the miracle cure for chest wrinkles? Let me introduce you to my bestie for the chestie (I’m so clever) — SilcSkin. This magical, mystical, surgical grade silicone pad that I plop onto my chest each night under my super sexy and totally glam oversized tee shirt before I hit the hay is likely to be your new BFF, too.
I discovered SilcSkin by accident, and in the last several years I’m seeing more and more pitches touting the benefits of surgical grade silicone. It really is a thing—and more importantly, it works. You can easily buy these on Amazon for about $30 bucks apiece. No, yo can not find them cheaper anywhere else, I know, I’ve looked. And, yes, so many people read this article, bought these pads, and then messaged me privately about how awesome they are that I finally got around to getting an Amazon affiliate link and updating this post. You’ll see the link above. People. As if I’m in the business of giving bad advice, c’mon now. If you want to try them, click the “shop now” in the image above and I’ll get super rich in no time, I’m sure of it.
Beware the SilcSkin Knockoffs
There are SilcSkin knockoffs galore, so keep that in mind, remember the phrase caveat emptor and all that jazz. When something good comes along, there’s always some imitation out there trying to be as good as the real thing, or sell for less, but in most cases they fall short. Having also tried several of the knockoffs, I’m here to tell you that you should trust me, my research, my vanity, and my legendary pickiness about things like this—SilcSkin is the one you want to buy. It’s the best, and worth the $30. With nightly wear, it’ll last about a month. That’s a pretty minimal investment in the big scheme of attempting to forestall a crepe-y, wrinkly decollate area.
If I was a planner, I’d have taken some before and after photos of my own to share with you as part of this post, but then you’d likely also see that I’m prone to go to sleep still wearing my mascara and judge me a little there, too, and I’m not quite ready for that. So in case you don’t yet understand the vital benefits surgical grade silicone can deliver to your chest area and I’ve not yet convinced you to fork over the dough for this miracle product, take a gander at these photos (courtesy of the SilcSkin site) and then tell me you don’t want to immediately go buy this product. Better yet, wait until tomorrow morning. As soon as you wake up, go and look at your chest in the mirror and then decide.
So there you have it. Advice from the trenches, of the had that, used this, it worked, kind that you should definitely consider. But only if you’ve got a less than perfectly wrinkle free, crepe free thing going on in your chest area. And if you’re in your 40s, start using this stuff now. You’ll thank me for this later. I promise. Note that nobody is paying me to say this good stuff about SilcSkin, I’m just a Good Samaritan, albeit a vain one, trying to help my lady friends stay hot and sexy and young looking and wearing as many plunging necklines as they want. Not that I’m saying that it wouldn’t be awesome if somebody from SilcSkin read this post and a gigantic truck showed up at my house with a gazillion SilcSkins in it. If that happens, I’ll share. But don’t hold your breath—it doesn’t usually work that way.
Updated: Because I’m slightly Type A, I actually did remember to take some before and after photos. Here’s one of me in the morning after not remembering to put on the SilcSkin pad (happens often, not gonna lie).
And below is an image of me the next morning, after both remembering to wear SilcSkin and remembering to take a photo. Bonus! Random observation: These photos make my boobs look kinda big—it’s an illusion. They are not. And yes, I wear a lot of workout gear. And I take snazzy photos in my bathroom.
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